The Big Day

I've been dreading this day for weeks, but I put on a brave face and registered my little Sweetie Pie for kindergarten. In hindsight I'm surprised I made it out of that school without poking myself in the eye with a spork though. She's going into kindergarten, not a one-kid shuttle to the moon as the phonebook sized registration packet would suggest.

I got a babysitter for the little two but brought Sweetie Pie with me thinking that she would savor every second of this mother/daughter bonding time at her new school. WRONG. She was bored out of her mind. Luckily I still had some books and a tiny MagnaDoodle in my purse from church yesterday to reduce the "Can we go now?" from every 10 seconds to every 30 seconds.

By page 3 of the dictionary packet I was wishing I was reading Amelia Bedelia too. Names, addresses, home phone, cell phone, work phone, doctor's releases, dates and times of her last 15 bowel movements... ok, maybe I made that last one up, but I felt like one tiny spot on the form being left blank was going to secure her fate forever as one of those animal kids that never got any education except those of their animal 'parents'. If my pea-sized brain forgot one tiny phone number her life would be ruined. That's a lot of pressure for 9am...

Page 8, Emergency Contacts. Ok, this one's easy. I happily wrote in my mother-in-law, my mom, and my sister. Done! Right? Nope, you need to write that same information on SIX separate sheets, including a handy travel version for the teacher to quickly grab in the event of the illusive 'Alaskan Tornado'. And don't forget to include the home, cell and work numbers along with all three emergency contacts on all 6 forms. Multiply that by how many times Sweetie Pie was asking to leave divided by the number of times the supermommy next to me had to beep, beep, beep her way through her phone directory to get the previously mentioned billion phone numbers then subtract the suspicious number of pens on the tiny table and you'll see why I was getting a bit nauseous.

Most of the packet asked about her prior everything, except she's never been to school before. Prior school? N/A
Prior grade? N/A
Prior grade at prior school? WHAT!?

I was really ready to get out of there and was thrilled to see only one sheet left. I gave Sweetie Pie the "last one!" warning and read the first line. Languages spoken within the home. WHOO HOO! Since we only speak English this should be cake... we are SO outta here! Of course not. You have to write English in every box on the whole form. A brain crushing number of times. What language do you speak in your home? English
What languages are spoken in your child's other homes? Her winter home in Vail is English only, but naturally she speaks the language of love in the French vineyard.
What language does your child speak to their friends? Are BS and whiney languages?
What language does your child watch TV in? Depends who's on Sabado Gigante that particular day...

Finally I gather my belongings and my chiquita and head for the office. The secretary looks over my form like she's proofreading for the president but I passed the test. I've decided the secretaries are so scary and mean because they are pissed they had to return to work two weeks before everyone else to deal with the pesky enrollment. She barks at me that I didn't give her the birth certificate and shot record so I quickly hand them over before I really tick her off and she tried to staple me to something.

Her: Physical!??
Me: Uhm... *singing* Physical, let's get physical... I like that song too.
Her: You DIDN'T bring her physical?
Me: *apparently the only person on the planet that didn't know you need a physical to go to kindergarten* I didn't know I needed one. I have it at home. (Thank goodness they gave me one when she got her shots!)
Her: You need to bring it on the first day.
Me: Uh, sorry?
Her: NEXT!

Okaaaaaay, that went well...

I had to go back past my house to get my little kids, so I grabbed the physical. I never really looked at it when I got it since I didn't know I needed it for anything. It is comforting to know that my 5 year old has been physically cleared for riflery, cross country running and football. I run it into the office and she copies it and hands it back. I hear her telling another parent about an open house for the kids to find out who their teachers are, meet them, and tour the school. That sounds perfect for Sweetie Pie! Except she didn't mention it to me. At all. I asked her if it didn't include kindergarten. "It does." OK, when is it? "the 14th." What time? "We'll put a sign up."

Thanks for your help...