Monday, May 18, 2009

Day 49- Dora The Impostor

I woke up this morning to Mr. Wright putting Little Man in my bed and turning on Dora at a volume level that should be illegal before 8am. The following is what I scribbled on my notebook from bed, half asleep, and quite angry about the deception that bowl cut headed little gordita brings into my children's lives...

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Ahh Dora... she's the picture perfect child who always does the right thing, is concerned for everyone's feelings, will do anything to rescue a friend in need, and has an above average bilingual vocabulary. Too bad no one is around to celebrate with her. Where the heck are her Mami and Papi? I know they're busy with the twins but why do they let her wander around all day through rugged terrain and dangerous conditions to find stupid stuff? She never even has water in her backpack- Isn't it HOT in Mexico? What a poor example. I'm left saying "No Sweetie Pie, you can't cross a rope bridge over crocodile infested waters, find your way through a jungle, then search a pyramid to find the class hampster. Mama will just buy a new one.

While we're on the subject of how Dora spends her days, I don't want my kids to think it's okay to hang out with monkeys unsupervised, even if they are wearing boots. I bet the bad men hiding in that jungle wear boots- that doesn't make anybody friendly. I'm also a little ticked about the unrealistic expectations this show is creating for items like backpacks and maps. When you need something from your backpack requesting it nicely in 2 languages isn't going to cut it in the real world. You're going to have to spend a few minutes digging around, especially if you carry as much crap stuff as I do in my Mary Poppins bag.

Do you notice how Dora always has everything she needs (except water of course)? If I was Dora, I'd carry a spanish dictionary since she encounters so many friends that only speak spanish, but that's just me. On second thought, she always has to repeat what she's telling her friends at least 3 times, so maybe she should throw a hearing aid into her backpack for good measure instead. You never know when you're going to need stuff like hamster food, do you? I like to be just as prepared so I keep crushed up animal crackers and old gummy bears rolling around the bottom of my purse in case Boo throws a fit at Target I need to feed a hamster. I guess I could just buy new food when I buy the new class hamster, but that would burst my preparedness bubble.

Moving on to the map- even if you have a regular map, Google Earth, Onstar AND a GPS non of them are going to tell you where the class hamster is. Plus the Onstar concierges get irritated even when you ask them a simple thing like to give you directions to your keys, trust me...

Now I'm all fired up so I'm off to find my English/Spanish dictionary and some hamster food. You know, just in case.

2 Thoughts From Others:

Amber said...

Oh my goodness, that is hilarious!! I was scrolling through my dashboard, seeing just HOW many posts I had to catch up on, and I of course had to stop on the Dora one!!

Saylor LOVES Dora. That is the ONLY thing that she will watch. I often have it on in the mornings when I want to catch a few more winks. And it is on when we get ready in the mornings, and sometimes in the evenings. Maddison was also a Dora freak. She'd do the whole yelling at the screen thing anytime they asked their questions. Saylor's night to that point yet, but I yell,

"I said, freaking Crocodile Lake already!! Don't you listen the FIRST time!?"

Then Saylor looks at me funny. :)

I laughed alot when you mentioned the hearing aid.

Fweaking hilarious girl.

Vivienne said...

My guy is 5 with older brothers and he only discovered Dora within the last 3 months. The big brothers are mortified.
Why does map say "I'm the maaaaaaaaahp!" as if he (it?) is part goat?

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