Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Day 57- Off Target

I was walking into Target this morning and happened to glance down at my children. They were all walking in a row, holding hands, and happy as can be. I hear a scream and see another mother pushing a cart. She has a newborn crying in a baby carrier, a toddler in full back arch in her arms, and a pissed off preschooler in her cart. I smugly think to myself how well behaved my kids are and how we all have those moments, but my angels were glowing as we walked through the automatic doors of hell Target.

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I should have known better than to look down on that poor mom with the screamers. No sooner did I get through the door did my angelic little faces turn to monsters. Boo refuses to sit in the basket, refuses the child seat, and refuses the giant additional seats that make those bahama-mama carts so darn hard to steer. She also refuses to walk, and refuses to be held. Yes, those are all the possible options unless she whips out the jet pack in her diaper, but when you're two years old it doesn't matter. She let every single person in Target know that she wasn't getting what she wanted and that I was ill equipped since I didn't have a spare jet pack.

Little Man wanted to sit in the 'baby seat' so I let him, and then he scratched his leg on the plastic somewhere. He proceeded to cry and complain about his scratch but wouldn't move from the seat. Instead he perched on the SIDE of the cart with his feet in the baby seat. I had finally managed to get Boo into a big seat but she refused to buckle. I HAD to get some shopping done so I started to move the cart while carefully making sure neither Little Man or Boo would fall off making them cry and making all the super mommies inevitably passing by give me that 'Who let you have kids' look. I didn't give the screamer mommy that look, I just thought to myself how wonderful my children were being... it's different!

Anyway, I'm attempting to push my cart while holding on to two different kids about 2 feet apart and I get that FREAKING cart that only likes to turn left. Awesome. Another thing I need to hold onto. Now I'm barely rolling through the store pulling my cart, back to back against Little Man, and holding Boo's hand in the extra seat. I look like I'm trying to sneak past something by hiding behind a cart full of screaming crazy children. Several Target employing ask if I need help finding anything since I'm moving at a snail's pace and obviously look like I'm searching for the nearest alcoholic beverage. I debate whether or not to ask one of the kind 'team members' if they know what aisle my sanity is on, but I decide it may lead to me wearing a tight fitting white jacket by the end and skipped it.

Almost ten minutes later I finally creep into the aisle I needed. It was right next to toys so the kids were distracted enough throwing new fits that Boo forgot that I needed to hold her hand and Little Man sat down in the seat. I was actually pushing the cart like a human! I caved and bought them a slip and slide to reward their wonderful behavior as a bribe just to get the heck out of there. Luckily it worked on the older two, but Boo could care less about whatever is in that box and kept screaming. My new plan was to rush to the front as fast as I could and maybe the speed would shock Boo silent. It didn't work.

I sure don't know what Boo has against Target, but the manager knows me by name now. The last few times I've been there my children have screamed so shockingly loud that she always seems to join me in line to make sure that no one was hurt. I think I'm done shopping at Target for a while- it was good while it lasted. I'm sure I can re-create the experience by throwing some popcorn on the floor and having the kids scream for a few minutes anyway.

For now I'm going to try and track down the screamers' mom and see if she has any parenting tips.

1 Thoughts From Others:

Amber said...

Well, I give you props for even GOING to Target BY YOURSELF with THREE kids!! {Was that dramatic enough?} I barely go with just Saylor.

And don't you hate those mungo carts!? They are way too hard to navigate. The girls know that we only use those when daddy's there.

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